My mother was a Lutheran missionary from Scandinavia and my father, a deacon from Mexico. They tried to convert each other, but they got married instead. And then they died.
So does everyone else!
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
I look like an extremely professional fashionable woman in an Abaya. It probably took me AGES to look this professional right?
WRONG. I’m actually wearing my onesie underneath it and you will NEVER KNOW MWAHAHAHA
Wanna know another secret? Even though i LOOK like I’m paying attention to whatever nonsense you are saying…..
I AM ACTUALLY WEARING HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC
Ke$ha is a perfect example of how the media loves to make intelligent girls seem dumb and bitchy even though they are actually smart and caring. Ke$ha isn’t far from being a feminist icon but the media continues to label her as a dumb drunk party girl.
and Ke$ha is all for loving yourself and equality but she continues to receive harassment from mainstream media. Enough harassment to the point that she developed an eating disorder because of it. She is an example of how horrible and sexist the music industry is.
I couldn’t care less about your religion or sexual orientation or race or whether you’re a virgin or have slept with 400 people or have done time in jail
but the moment you eat my leftovers without asking that’s when i decide you’re a terrible person
(Source: rexuality, via sarcastic-snowflake)
im literally so tired I just tried ordering a bagel with “the white stuff” cause I couldn’t think of cream cheese goodbye
I JUST GOT MY BAGEL FOR FREE OMG THE LADY GOES “it’s on me today” IM CRYING THANKS BAGEL LADY
FREE FOOD MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL
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